A lesbian and a non-binary bisexual crazy: On vocabulary and queer solidarity


Alex is a cis lesbian, copywriter, poet, artist and Archer’s individual internet based editor. Amelia is actually a trans non-binary bisexual person, creator, dreamboat and theatremaker extraordinaire.

Here, Alex writes about the woman personal sexuality trip with insights from Amelia, and discuss exactly how their respective identities intertwine to create a warm house full of queer goodness.

As a child queer, I arrived on the scene slowly, clinging to waste of heteronormativity and conditional recognition. We dipped my personal toes inside queer h2o – not even daring which will make waves.

I know myself now are a lesbian, yet my spouse isn’t really a woman. Amusing exactly how that works well, huh?

In this strange, wonderful, apparently contrary room, i have be much more comfortable and self-confident than before.  As an advantage, I am able to notice the upcoming TERF rage coming my personal way, which nourishes my personal queer, defiant spirit. Yum yum!

Image: Amelia (kept) and Alex (correct). Pic by Jessica Craig-Piper


arrived on the scene as bisexual over about ten years ago. As a constantly single, extremely shy and embarrassing individual, this probably failed to mean a lot to anybody. Everyone realized that I happened to ben’t amazingly attending come to be a suave, sexy d8r boi (or a sk8r boi, despite my personal large childhood crush on Avril Lavigne).

We pointed out that individuals major takeaway of my personal sex had been a sense of relief that men remained an option. I internalised just how much value was added to this ‘heterosexual’ interest, therefore I willed myself personally feeling it – and were not successful stupendously.

I didn’t have numerous openly queer pals currently, but the ones I did have were all bisexual. I found myself overloaded by my personal queer attraction – in the most readily useful and worst means – as I searched for my invest worldwide.

Obviously, we fell deeply in love with the bisexual community – how could you perhaps not?! – and that I put some force on myself personally to belong to it.


ix decades later on, we met Amelia at a bi-centred crafting event. They were cool, pretty and sort – and proudly bisexual.

Because they remember: “once we met, you defined as bi and that I recognized as a woman, which appears absurd now! We became genuine pals and I didn’t come with concept how difficult i might be seduced by you.”

On that day, Amelia and I also made bi and pan themed Hama Bead ornaments being however rattling around in the base of my personal backpack (i’ve major executive purpose problems). We next started happening group excursions with other queers, phoning ourselves The Queer Sparkly Pals.

Bisexual pride turned into section of all of our individual source tale and the history. Amelia and that I wouldn’t have met when it weren’t because of this humble small Midsumma crafternoon, due to the bi-focused radio program

Triple Bi Pass


Of all situations, this most likely caused it to be the hardest to leave bisexuality behind. I became split between my own identification and my personal area connections.

But ultimately, i really couldn’t refute it: I happened to be (and am) a lesbian.


rom having slept with guys – albeit just few occasions – I done the research to confidently say it isn’t for my situation.

Misogyny trapped me personally when you look at the opinion that possibly I’m not meant to delight in sex, or that my personal failure to derive any pleasure from this was personal drawback (excuse the cummy pun!). This sex thought abnormal or painful, and that I still discover impotence because these harmful encounters – and owing to a healthy dash of injury.

I have never had a suitable connection with a man, I’ve never ever loved their particular intimate quest for me, and I also’ve never considered acquainted with them.

By comparison, Amelia comes with the convenience of enriching relationships with men, in addition to their attraction to males feels no different using their appeal to prospects of different men and women. Amelia still is beautifully bisexual.

“When online dating men in high-school, some connections thought completely wrong, and others believed inexplicably proper,” my personal hunky honey describes. “Now once I remember becoming drawn to males, i believe about working my arms over a person’s beard and scratching his chin area. If it isn’t destination, I am not sure something!”


are unable to cheerfully see a romantic or sexual life with males, but my lesbianism is actually most important about me personally and who I


drawn to, maybe not my personal not enough heterosexual attraction.

My lesbianism is more than an absence of guys, or something i am observed to be ‘missing’. Additionally it is – demonstrably – a lot more than an exclusive destination to women.

With Amelia, personally i think nurtured during my human anatomy, mind and spirit. You’ll find nothing missing out on; this love is actually complete and full.


hen we sooner or later recognized my lesbianism, we worried that I’d betrayed my personal bonds because of the bisexual society. But it also thought



This is of bisexuality varies from one person to another, but I am able to state for many the goals maybe not.

Bisexuality is not a stressed bid keeping the heteronormative choices open, even in the event they generate you miserable. It is far from begrudgingly attempting to tolerate men’s room advances, questioning the reason why this doesn’t feel good. Bisexuality isn’t forced; truly releasing.

On representation, my personal identification with bisexuality ended up being never a genuine match.

I known as myself personally bisexual predicated on having slept with several sexes – despite the fact that previous intimate behaviours cannot necessarily equal the sexuality. Anyone can have bi-curious dalliances to understand more about their unique sexuality; from mine, i simply learnt that I happened to be plain ol’ porno gay.

From kept to right: Amelia, Big Bertha, Alex.


‘ve untangled many

mandatory heterosexuality

throughout this journey. I became initially unwilling to release the “bisexual” label, which in fact had come to be a trusty old pal, a comfort item like one of my a lot of

For a time, we thought that bisexuality and pansexuality had been the ‘best’ or ‘most inclusive’ sexualities for, which had been definitely situated in internalised homophobia and a want to appear open and nonjudgemental.

But there’s nothing judgemental about lesbian appeal, or experiencing appeal in a way that’s affected by gender.

A ‘hearts not parts’ mentality – and is the thing I adopted in my own young people – is a lot more judgemental inside implication that lgbt orientations are based on ‘parts’, or that other individuals do not care and attention equally about hearts as well.

I seldom experience real appeal, as soon as i actually do, it isn’t about genitals, because, without a doubt, somebody’s genitals you shouldn’t notify their own sex! Gender and self-expression tend to be aspects in my own attraction, and it required quite a few years to just accept this particular doesn’t create me personally closed-minded. It just helps make myself homosexual.



Are employed in Progress,

the protagonist Abby phone calls by herself a “queer dyke”. This resonates beside me – portraying a lesbian with space for different types of queer connections beyond solely females enjoying women, beyond cis-normativity.

I love the phrase “dyke”, but I’m in addition attempting to positively say “lesbian” – a label it doesn’t get adequate love or pleasure. Rather, it gets bogged all the way down by discussion, or utilized as a tool of gatekeeping and transmisogyny. This will make it a lot more vital that you make use of “lesbian” in positive, comprehensive contexts.

The “gay” label actually treated as limiting and antiquated, therefore neither should the “lesbian” label.


oving Amelia doesn’t make me personally less of a lesbian, nor can it make sure they are much less non-binary. Perhaps it just indicates we are both renegades! Love itself transcends binaries – unless its a love between robots sexting in binary signal.

Really love isn’t really experienced in discrete black-and-white categories, but in full color – all of our many magically real person minutes.

“My personal gender identity is sturdy and isn’t invalidated by the sexuality,” claims my huggy keep. “My personal gender is actually your own, interior area of self-understanding that doesn’t go with all of our tradition and goes misunderstood by many people.”


change in my label doesn’t think on anyone apart from myself.

It’s regrettable this should be stated, but

tales like mine

don’t mean that bisexuality is a phase, a stepping-stone to getting gay, or long lasting naysayers tend to be naysayin’.

I’ll always fight for the validity and quality of my personal bisexual kin.

We are all inside together

, as we currently ever since the beginning of the queer legal rights activity.

By exact same token, we cannot commemorate lesbianism without uplifting trans and non-binary lesbians, which compensate a giant – and fantastic – portion of the lesbian neighborhood, in addition to Basic Nations lesbians and lesbians of colour, butch lesbians, lesbians with handicaps (shoutout to my other autistic lesbians!), and so many more.


want you to reclaim lesbianism from clammy fingers of TERFs.

As my trans heartthrob tells me: “TERFs do not have area your complexities and nuances of men and women. TERF ideology is based on anxiety, pain and the desire to ‘other’. And I have no desire for determining me by other people’s discomfort.”

Being a lesbian isn’t about vaginas, femininity, ‘gold movie stars’ or exclusion.

My lesbianism is comprehensive; it honors gender variety as much as it celebrates females; it celebrates different expressions of sapphic really love and attraction; it celebrates camaraderie and a provided history with queer folks of all genders. It celebrates a unique queerness.


y appeal to Amelia is actually queer, as theirs is me: there are sapphic factors to our commitment, you will find a lively balance of masculine, feminine, androgynous and pure chaotic powers.

Our very own love happens to intersect completely, regardless of specifics of our own genders and sexualities.

“Labels develop over time and safety,” my spectacular partner and co-pet-parent reflects. “Non-binary is best descriptor for my situation, and lesbian is best descriptor obtainable. In which those tags tend to be seemingly incongruous is how our challenging, loving relationship physical lives.

“Making area for all components of both may be the work of adoring someone. I know you adore me, that is certainly the things I value.”


utside of one’s residence, the audience is seen erroneously as a lesbian few. While this doesn’t reflect the complexities of one’s identities, it will shape how we go through the world.

By ourselves, our company is just a couple in love, undertaking DIY jobs (Amelia), producing collages off old porno mags (Alex) and

imitating silly voices for the animals (both).

We navigate the difficulties of being a visibly queer pair in this field, so we honour the subtleties your private identities, regardless of if these are typicallyn’t affirmed by culture most importantly – when a waiter calls us “ladies”, when my outreach employee thinks “partner” equals “boyfriend”, as well as as soon as the queer area assumes “lesbian” implies “women merely”.

My personal lover says it most readily useful: “we have been more than the sum our very own tags. In regard to right down to the easy functions of warm and being appreciated, as much as possible believe it is, handle it and supply it, subsequently whom cares exactly what anyone else calls all of us?”

Alex Creece is actually a writer, poet, collage singer and average kook residing on Wadawurrung area. Alex operates since the on the web Editor for Archer Magazine together with Production Editor for Cordite Poetry Evaluation. She’s in addition regarding the editorial committee for Sunder Journal.

Alex was actually awarded a Write-ability Fellowship in 2019 and a Wheeler center Hot Desk Fellowship in 2020. A sample of Alex’s work had been extremely Commended inside 2019 Next part design, and she ended up being shortlisted for the 2021 Kat Muscat Fellowship. In 2022, Alex had been shortlisted for inaugural Born authors honor and the Lord Mayor’s Creative Writing Award.

Amelia Newman (they/them) is actually a writer, theater manufacturer and musician created in Narrm/Melboune. Amelia worked extensively with Riot level Youth Theatre and they have had their particular work provided at Los Angeles Mama Theatre, Melbourne Fringe Festival, Northcote Town Hall, Arts home and Siteworks.

Amelia’s first play ‘Younger and Smaller’ is actually posted with Australian Plays Transform and it has already been made by schools nationwide. Amelia is passionate about LGBTIQ+ tales and figures. Their work provides an target psychological state representation and destigmatisation. They have been situated in Djilang/Geelong and work across Narrm/Melbourne.